It sounds like this:
It’s cold out, take a sweater.
Don’t leave that here. Put it back where it belongs.
That’s too expensive, you can’t spend that.
Oh no, you can’t do that!
Ladies: your guy is not a fresh-faced five-year-old.
Men don’t need to be trained and scolded like puppies.
For the love of your love life: resist the urge to whip out motherly advice. Our misplaced maternal tonality is more than emasculating. It’s a cease and desist order on those steamy nights you long for.
Sexy seductress? Forget it. When you’re busy demanding and reprimanding your man, you’ll remind him more of his third grade teacher. Or worse… his mother.
We know you’ve got his best interests at heart. You don’t mean to boss him around, but it just comes out that way, right?
It’s lovely that you want your honey to be A-OK but this is a primo opportunity to distinguish between the nurturing feminine qualities we recognize as the best in our own Mothers, and “mothering.”
And yup. You’ve guessed it- ya gotta quit mothering.
Our femininity exists at a cellular level. We’re born with a galaxy of intoxicating qualities; facets of femininity that nurture, seduce and support the men in our lives.
We heal. We comfort. We empathize, sympathize, and we certainly know how to pay a compliment.
Your guy craves these maternal qualities. You make him feel cared for. You patch him up for his next battle. Your laser focused attention restores and renews him while your unwavering faith gives him strength. Your tenderness & encouragement is elation, lifts his mood and is nothing less than suh-weet.
Maternal affection is natural.
Mothering is cruel.
When you mother your man, your game is manipulation + control. Your advice, beliefs, and affection are no longer sweet gifts. They’re more like blunt hammers straight to his aching temples.
Try this power-duo of natural nurturing techniques instead:
1. Invite him.
Inviting is open, free-flowing and easy.
Instead of: “Here’s some cold medicine. Take it.”
Try: “You don’t feel well? Is there anything I can do to help?”
2. Demonstrate & Reinforce by Thanking.
Men are innately generous. They really do want us to have what we need, but they certainly aren’t mind readers.
Kindly explain how you enjoy things done (Ahem… this includes in the bedroom. Meow!) When he gets it right, remember to thank him.
Giving begets giving.
Give patience, detailed information, and respect.
He’ll give it right back.
++++++++++++
Do you ever catch yourself mothering your mister? How do you stop yourself?
Today’s post was brought to you by the super amazing Danielle Dowling…Life coach, relationship expert and general kick ass woman to have on your radar.
Mine won’t even let me fix his collar out in public … Even if it’s really crooked! And heaven forbid if my hand come anywhere near his hair, like to smooth it down in front!
Good post!
Loulou @ Loulou Downtown
Such a good reminder! I’m sure lots of females do this way more than they realize. Thank you
My husband hates to floss and always asks, “Do I have to?!” It got on my nerves that I was having to “mother” him, so I explained that I am in fact, not his mother, nor to I want to have to act like it. He has been flossing without whining or trying to get out of it since then.
I mother everyone! It’s a problem
I try and try to repress it, but being an oldest child and very organized makes it hard not to step and and just do things for people.
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Excellent post! I so identify with these issues! Seems it’s often natural to ensure my dear one’s safety by ordering him to drive safely, strongly recommending he eat regularly, etc.–but he is older than I and has been taking care of himself for years! Thanks for an edifying meditation.